As for why I’ve been depressed for the past 5 years
Perhaps a more useful post this time…
I guess it is useful to talk about personal thoughts from time to time. Perhaps I’ve grown less embarrassed talking about myself due to making my last few posts?
If anyone is going to care to read, anyways. (*Prepares myself for absolutely no one caring*)
So I’d like to talk about the reason why I’ve been so depressed for the past 5 years. And it has everything to do with what I think is wrong with this world, this culture. Or Western culture (the most influential at the moment), to say the least. Or rather, what it is missing. You see I do think that popular culture is something that is very important to the development of human society and civilization, so if we don’t get it right, human society will be very screwed, I believe.
And what I believe it is missing is a popular “independent culture” free from commercial influence. We do have an independent culture, but not as big and influential the one that I believe sets a good example, the doujin culture in Japan, which has been one of the biggest influence on culture in Japan. And I believe that at the root of this, are their doujin comics and events for them, like Comic Market (Comiket).
When I first heard of Comiket, I thought, perhaps we have something like that here, though it gradually sank in that we don’t. And so I tried looking it up on the Japanese Wikipedia, how Comiket and the doujin culture started and such, and tried my best to understand with Google Translate (I couldn’t read Japanese at all back then), and not getting any results, tried experimenting with some thoughts I had. Comiket, after all, just started with around 12 circles and not more than a 400 participants. So if only I had people who I could get to go along with this.
And then I realized, I had absolutely no close friends who I could count on to go along with this, and had absolutely no idea on how to reach out to people in real life. I firmly believed it was possible, and I still do. But my real-life connections are just so few, and so I grew terribly lonely, even though before I was completely fine even if I was by myself. And it was because I needed to find people in order to make my dream come true. Losing interest in everything else, I thought for hours every day about how to make this come about, with no good results.
Eventually I thought, that perhaps online attention might be a good way to find people who might like this idea. And so, here I am. Yeah, the reason why I’m looking for people who would like to meet up is precisely for this reason. I guess that those who live too far from Massachusetts can’t do much about this as of now. Ah, I suppose that I’ll surely get no results if I don’t work harder. No hard work, nothing gets done.
1 month ago with 5 notes